Monday / March 09 / 2009

Valuable Correspondence



Phillip R. Daphne
1234 E. Hyde Park Blvd
Chicago, IL 60666

RE: What if the space-time continuum is a moderately sized lasso that can only lasso fossilized portraits of Jeff Parker?

Dear Mr. M. Griffin,

It has come to my attention that, as of late, you have been neglecting to dry your bath towels. Have you noticed the earth is warming? I didn’t think so.

Now that we have a socialist President we all must do our part. Unfortunately, your part is to count the number of times Rush Limbaugh fantasizes about tying up his Mexican maid to force feed her white chocolate bunnies and burn the Koran while retelling his favorite Plessy v. Ferguson jokes backwards. Socialism is not easy; nor is it the same as the time you sabotaged your daughter’s field trip in order to mock the expanding universe. Brooklyn is not expanding.

I await your detailed analysis.

Cordially opposed to all forms of interposition involving post-empty bottle-Tortoise-bootlegs and videos containing the prefixes "octo," "meta," "post," or "why-are-my-religious-leaders-so-patronizing?,"