Tuesday / July 14 / 2009

sgt slaughter’s charity golf auction

 

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Aight. I bet all you little tricks and marks been wondering where big daddy poppa pants Abbinanti been. Well, I’ll tell ya, it’s not easy being Rosie Perez’s personal assistant … ok!? Doesn’t leave you with alot of time to "blog" … ok!? She’s been all moody n shit since "Pineapple Express" didn’t blow up her spot like she’d hope so I kept having to go down to the Sizzler and get her 2 baked potatoes and 3 pieces of fried chicken (with the batter removed) … then there were all these meetings about her playing the lead in a Sotomayer movie (tentatively titled) "Wise(ass) Latina" .. I think its slated to be a comedy co-starring Billy Crystal and Sgt. Slaughter .. if it doesn’t conflict with Slaughter’s charity golf tournament. I remember I spent a week one night just coaxing her out of her bedroom after she was convinced the ghost of Woody Harrelson was trying to play her at a game of 1 on 1 … to this day she still can’t tell the ghost of Woody Harrelson and the ghost of Patrick Swazye apart! Crazy! There was this other crazy night when Rosie was suppose to be out of town at a "21 Jump Street" reunion dance at the Olive Garden so I invited my boy Moolar over …

yo, for real, Moolar got this crazy copper pyramid that he brings around with him, it’s like 10 feet across and can fit 3 people in it … once you get in, he says some shit and the whole muthafuckin thing starts glowing blue with electricity! We started doing mad rips from this solar chalice he got hooked up to the pyramid that’s straight HEATED BY THE SUN EVEN THOUGH ITS NIGHT!!!!! shit was rootical. This was back when Madoff was ballin’ too so he came by later with like 8 crates of records and this pad of wack ass rhymes he used to write. He started free stylin over the instrumental side of "Break My Stride" and he pretty much killed the binghi circle we had going in the cosmic pyramid. Just as well anyway cause right then Rosie rolls in with a crew consisting of Troy Mallory, Peter DeLuise and Holly Robinson Peete … they looked pretty fucked up and were talking about taking their cars down to the ravine and doing some drag racing … I figured the party was winding down so I just grabbed some Miff Mole 78s out of Madoff’s stacks, threw em on, and chilled …